


Reflections

by cyn_ful



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Death, F/M, Gen, Memories, Pensieves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:32:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyn_ful/pseuds/cyn_ful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape reflects upon his life as he lay dying in Harry's arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

**Title:** Reflections  
 **Summary:** Snape reflects upon his life as he lay dying in Harry's arms.  
 **Characters/Pairings:** Snape/Lily  
 **Genre:** gen/angst  
 **Beta:** n/a atm  
 **Rating/Warnings:** PG-13  
 **Medium:** fic  
 **Word Count:** 1566  
 **A/N:** Written for Saturday Special at [](http://hh-sugarquill.livejournal.com/profile)[**hh_sugarquill**](http://hh-sugarquill.livejournal.com/)

  
Gazing into the green orbs as the memories ran from his eyes, he watched them one by one. He didn’t dare mix tears with the memories. “Take them.”

He raised his hand and stroked the cheek. The eyes were stormy. He remembered so vividly how Lily looked at him that last time. Stormy gales on an emerald sea. His heart broke as he remembered. Soon he could see her again. Soon.

A vial was placed by his eye as the memories rolled out. His first sight of Lily. She was playing with Tuney. He saw her beauty even then. She tossed her red hair over her shoulder and laughed. Tuney just fought with him. Her gaze was questioning when he approached, slightly untrusting. Tuney pulled her away.

It was after this that he decided he would make sure he could find her again. She found him. Their friendship was secure. She would always be his.

Another memory of them lying under their tree. They talked of random things. He remembered dreaming of a time when they could marry and be together forever.

The memories switched to the two of them with their Hogwarts letters. She had hugged him so tightly when she got hers. “You were right.” He knew then he would love her forever.

Years flew by so slowly in his mind, but quickly as they ran from his eyes, select memories to be used. Other memories, he held tight to.

“Severus, are you ever going to kiss me?” She looked so completely innocent as she asked the question. They were straddling a limb in their tree.

He froze, not believing what she said. He leaned over and pulled her into his arms. He searched the questioning gaze for any hints of teasing or mockery before he lowered his head. The first kiss sent sparks flying around them. He held her close as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Wow, I guess it was worth the wait,” she said quietly as she looked into his face. “Will you do it again sometime or am I going to have to throw myself at James?”

“Not, Potter. Don’t lower your standards.”

She laughed and leaned in to kiss him again. “As long as you always want me, I’m yours.”

His heart constricted. He vaguely remembered that. Always. He had told Dumbledore that it was _always_ Lily.

Reflections of his past continued to swim in his head. The marauders taunting him. His Lily defending him, until he made a fatal error. He lost his Lily. The flowers died around him. He closed himself off. He hid his love deep inside.

She died. She saved the boy. The boy had her eyes. He prepared to face a future watching the brat grow up. The sorting was not easy. He could see Potter all over him. He could not find traces of his Lily. This was the child he was to protect because she protected him.

It was nearing midnight and he sat in the hospital wing. All the others were in beds sleeping. He clung to the shadows but sat and watched her son. He moved the hair from his forehead and traced the reddened scar. He kept his heart hard while watching the boy this year, but he nearly died. He tried to stop him, but the boy managed to be a Gryffindor.

A tear fell onto the scar he had just traced. “I’m sorry I keep failing you Lily.”

Another memory and then another passed by. Always watching the child break the rules and shine brighter than he should have. Year after year he had a date with the boy in the hospital wing, repeating the same steps. Year after year, no one saw.

His worse fears were realized when he saw the damage that the boy could inflict upon another. He only saw the boy’s father as he was stopping the blood flow from Draco. He glanced up but once and saw the pain that he knew Lily would show. Maybe all was not lost on the boy.

He turned and faced the boy who kept throwing curses at him. He blocked each one easily. He saw hatred and remembered Lily’s face when he called her a Mudblood. His heart broke again. He knew he had done what he was supposed to, but it did not make it easy that he would never be close to Lily again. The eyes lit up in the fire glow of Hagrid’s hut. He turned and walked away.

He saw memory after memory. The last one he gave the boy was the one that held the most trust. He placed the pensieve next to his desk. He placed a vial of the anti-dote next to it. He checked that he had his vial of Draught of Living Death with him. He knew that he only had one chance to survive this encounter. He looked up from his work and spoke. To any looking in, he was speaking to himself.

Harry, I have watched over you from the time you were born. I have loved you as the son that could have been mine. If you are seeing this, then you will know what you need to do. The Dark Lord approaches and I know you are in the castle. I must embark upon my last mission as a spy.

I do not suspect that I will survive this encounter. The dark lord will either kill me directly or Nagini will. In preparation, I have already taken an anti-venom. She will not kill me with her poison.

I will also take Draught of Living Death, which I told you of. You will be my judge. My life is in your hands with this vial. It is the only known anti-dote.

Send me to be with Lily or save me to learn to live freely. It is your choice.

Severus felt spent out as the last memory left his mind. “Let me see your eyes. Your mother’s eyes.” He felt the potion taking affect as he saw tears slide down the boy’s face. His body slid back and simulated death. He would be in this stasis until they buried his body or the counter potion was given to him. Either way, it was a numbing feeling. He could see the boy being pulled away by the friends.

The numbness was fading and he realized he was in an incredibly white room. His eyes fluttered opened slowly. His entire body ached. He could not tell how long had passed, just that he felt a presence near him. His head turned slowly and saw a figure sitting next to the bed. He looked at him for a moment before the boy realized he was being watched.

He smiled and pulled the chair closer. “It’s about time you woke up. I was beginning to think you really wanted to die.”

“Potter,” he said weakly.

Harry grabbed a glass of water by the table and held it to the potion master’s lips. “You have been given replenishing potions, but you really need some water. Do you want me to get Pomfrey? She just went to get something to eat.”

He shook his head minutely. “How long?”

Harry smiled. “About two months. I wouldn’t let them take you to St. Mungo’s. I was afraid you would not be treated well. Besides that, I only trust Madam Pomfrey.”

He closed his eyes for a minute. The boy saved him. Maybe he was finally redeemed. He could have a life now.

He felt fingers brushing the hair from his head in a motion similar to what he had done every year. “You know, you have to get better. Snarky old git or not, you are the only link I have to my mum.”

His chest tightened. He was afraid that he may have to relive the memories again and again. He let out a small groan.

Harry laughed and sat back down. “Don’t worry; I won’t turn you into a Hufflepuff. I know my mum would have wanted this. She forgave you, you know.”

He turned his head and looked at the boy again, raising an eyebrow.

“We had a talk on my way to die. My mum and dad are both grateful to you. You watched over me when they couldn’t. Mum said to remember always. Dad said you were still a git, but he would be proud to call you friend if you were in the same realm.”

Harry wiped a tear from his eye. “So, you have to get better. You haven’t finished watching me grow up. Only now I want you to do it openly. We would all be dead if it were not for you. You saved us all.”

 


End file.
